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George W. Bush was visiting
an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion
related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a
discussion of the word "tragedy." So, George W. asked the class for an example
of a tragedy.
One boy stood up and said, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in
the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."
A girl raised her hand and said, "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off
a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," the President said. "That's what we would call a Great Loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. President Bush searched the
room and asked, "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a
tragedy?"
Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand, and in a quiet
voice, he said, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. and Mrs. Bush, was struck by a
missile and blown up to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy."
"That's right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" asked the
President.
"Well," Johnny said, "because it wouldn't be an accident and it sure as hell
wouldn’t be a Great Loss..."
A teacher in Atlanta asked her students to write the words to their favorite Christmas
Carols. She probably got fired for mentioning Christmas in school. Anyway here
are some of the humorous lines she received:
Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly
We three kings of porridge and tar
On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me
Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire.
He's makin a list, chicken and rice.
Noel. Noel, Barney's the king of
Israel.
With the jelly toast proclaim
Olive, the other reindeer. (All of the other reindeer)
Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say
Sleep in heavenly peas
In the meadow we can build a snowman, then pretend that he is sparse and brown
You'll go down in Listerine
Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay
O come, Froggy faithful
You'll tell Carol, "Be a skunk, I require"
A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother
and father were both fit to be parents and therefore couldn't decide who he
should grant full custody to. So he asks the little boy, "Would you like to live
with your mother?"
"No." said the boy.
"Why not?" said the judge.
"Because she beats me."
The judge says "Okay, then you'll go live with your father."
"Oh No," cried the boy, "He beats me too."
Dumbfounded, the judge asks "Okay who do you want to live with?"
"I want to live with the
Boston Red
Sox."
"Why?" asks the judge.
"They don't beat anybody."
Little Johnny is approached
by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.
"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to
report you."
"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.
"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"
Two young boys were spending
the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two
boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began
praying at the top of his lungs.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO...
I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are
you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied,
"No, but Grandma is!"
On little Larry's first day
of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and
said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in third grade!'
The teacher looked at little Larry's records and told him to please take his
seat.
Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, 'I don't
belong here; I should be in the third grade!'
Larry did this a few more times before the principal came along and the teacher
explained Larry's problem. The principal and the first grade teacher told little
Larry that if he could answer some questions that they could decide in which
grade he belonged. Well, they soon discovered that Larry knew all the state
capitals and country capitals that the principal could think of.
The teacher suggested they try some biology questions... 'What does a cow have 4
of but a woman has only 2?' asked the teacher.
'Legs!' Larry immediately replied. "What does a man have in his pants that a
woman doesn't?' asked the teacher.
'Pockets!' said Larry.
The teacher looked at the principal, who said, 'Maybe he should be in third
grade, I missed those last two questions!'
As I was trying to pack for
vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed.
At one point, she said, "Mom, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth
and said, "Mommy gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed
out of the room again.
When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with
a devastated look on her face.
I said, "What's wrong honey?"
"Mommy, where's my booger?"
GOOGTOOT